I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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