yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
