I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just forgot I was standing up.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
