O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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