Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
