she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
