Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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