There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
