happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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