Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
