Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
