Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
