On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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