I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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