Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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