ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
