You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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