i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
