if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
