summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
