Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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