she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
