My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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