i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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