I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
