i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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