i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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