I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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