Soap is not a condiment
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
