I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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