I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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