i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
