i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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