Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
