I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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