i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
