One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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