my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
