i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
