Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
