im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
