white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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