can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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