Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
where are my eyebrows?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
