She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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