we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
