This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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