Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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