just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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