the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
