At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize