You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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