booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
