So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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