Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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